August 26, 2009
Trashcans are an illusion in Khorixas. When I first moved here, I lived in town at the Ministry of Education volunteer house. For those of you loyal blog readers, you’ll remember what happened that ill-fated night in January 2008 when the volunteer house trashcan lost it’s life at the hands of a naïve young American with a tiny touch of pyromania. To this day, the deformed and twisted plastic remains can be found in Khorixas and, essentially, serve as a warning to new volunteers that they know nothing and probably shouldn’t assume they do.
But this story isn’t about that trashcan. It only begins there. I know I’ve described the difference between “Town” and “Location” in Namibia. But to summarize, town is, for the most part, nicer. For example, they have regular trash pick-up and the location does not. Last year, when I moved to the location, I did not know that the trash pick-up I had so quickly shunned in town and that trashcan I so quickly killed would be the only real trash-solutions I would see in Khorixas for the rest of my days here.
When I first moved to the school, I remember standing with a few of my teachers at the door of my new flat. We were talking about what would be the most beautiful way to decorate my windows, when it suddenly occurred to me: what will I do with my trash? So, I posed the questions. The hostel matron pretended she didn’t know English and just stared at me blankly (to this day, she still pretends she doesn’t know English. The ruse is up matron! I know you’re faking!). The first grade teacher giggled under her breath and said she’d let me borrow her curtains for my living room windows. And my supervisor said, “Weeellll, dear… I don’t know.”
She didn’t know. A Namibian didn’t know what I was supposed to do with my rubbish and here I was, trashcan shy after my last attempt at anonymous trash disposal, by means of fire, left to my own devises. My first attempt at disposing of my trash in the location was to take it out to the trashcan in the hostel yard. You see, all over Khorixas, there are brightly painted public trashcans. These trashcans stand on two legs that are planted into the dirt. Then the legs rise to the top of the trashcan, where there is a hinge that allows the can to swing back and forth. There is about foot or two of space under the swinging trashcan and one lone crossbar in that space that children can use as a way of climbing up to look inside. And as luck would have it, the hostel yard had one of these trashcans. It was a glimmer of hope. It was a solution to a smelly problem. It was something that just made sense, right? Wrong.
The first day I carried my little bag of trash out to that can, learners jumped eagerly by my side: What are you doing, Miss? What is that, Miss? Can we help, Miss? In the midst of chaos, I arrived at the trashcan to find it full of grass. Yes, dead yellow grass – like someone had mowed the field from heaven in “Gladiator” and stuck in our one trashcan. I don’t know why. There was grass everywhere; why should we cram our trashcan full of grass? Isn’t that something we can just leave on the ground? Or feed to the donkeys? Apparently not. So, what was I to do? I threw my trash on top of the pile. The trashcan swung lightly on its hinges, squeaking ever so slightly. It was one lone tied plastic bag sitting atop a mound of grass. It looked so forlorn, so lonely. It looked so… just then, the kids stole it and ran away!!! They stole my trash!
From afar, I cringed at the fun the kids were having with my rubbish. The running commentary in my head was more than I could bear: Eeew, don’t eat that!! Oh my gosh, is that my dental floss? Oh please, oh please, take that off your head!
It was too much; I went inside and decided something must be done immediately. For months after that I carried my trash to town when I did my shopping. In town, they had regular trash pickup. I would walk to town with a bag full of trash, dump it, and then, walk home with a bag full of groceries. Thankfully, Jill was understanding – what sort of weirdo carries their trash around? Her site-mate, that’s who. The worst was when I would forget to empty my bag before I went into the shop. Then, I would open my bag to put all the groceries in but it would already be full of rubbish. It all got to be too embarrassing. I needed a new solution.
It had been months and the hostel’s lone trashcan was still filled with grass. It was then that it occurred to me: the trashcan was just an illusion – no one was ever going to empty it. I considered this and decided I was ok with people going through my trash. The key was that they shouldn’t know it was mine. So began the short period of trash displacement. The plan was like this: I would walk trash to public rubbish bins that were less full than the hostel’s but still in a somewhat close vicinity. I would do this at odd hours of the day and night so that no one would follow me. Children could then pilfer through the small bags later taking the good things. And, finally, no one would be the wiser that the things had once belonged to me.
It worked well at first. The sun would just be glistening at the horizon, with me sneaking back to my flat in my pajamas empty handed. Sunday mornings were the best because everyone was at church. The closest, yet just distant enough, trashcan happened to be adjacent to a makeshift soccer field and was therefore dangerous at too many times each day. The next closest, yet distant enough for privacy, was missing it’s bottom. This was a problem because it felt like littering. I put the bag in the top. It fell out the bottom. What was the point? Then the next closest was just too far. I got lazy. It would be weeks between taking out the trash. Gross smells and cockroaches were the only things that could persuade me to take action. I needed a new plan.
The new plan was brought about by desperation. For, desperation was the only thing that could drive me back to the match. I was going to burn my trash again. I was shy at first. I used an old baking pan to burn the small plastic bags full of evidence that I had lived. I would burn them within the walls of my porch behind my house so that no one could see me. There were many months of this sort of secrecy. Then, one Saturday morning, I smelled fire from my house I looked out the window and there stood about 50 boys burning trash just beyond my back door. It was chore day for the boys and it was their responsibility to burn up their rubbish. Brilliant! Other burners! I was not alone.
Where the boys were burning there was, yet another, large mound of cut grass and just beyond that was a rocky field full of all sorts of rubbish that had been abandoned there. This was the perfect place to take my burning public. The rubbish field and I were happy for quite some time. I would take my trash there, to a small patch of dirt and burn it. It was gone and I didn’t have to go more than ten steps from my door. No learner would ever again wear my dental floss as a headdress or use hair from my brush as a ball. Mission accomplished.
Slowly at first, and then gaining in frequency and severity, the rubbish field and I started to have disputes. People would come by when I was trying to burn my trash and ask, “Jessica, what do you think you’re doing?” And I would say, “why, burning my rubbish, thank you.” To which they would say, “tsk.”
A seed of doubt grew in my mind. Was it unacceptable to burn here? Was I breaking some sort of unspoken rule about women burning trash in fields? I tried to forget it, but more and more people, while facing the self-explanatory flames, would ask, “Jessica, what do you think you are doing?” Couldn’t they see? Or was it a deeper problem?
Out of shame and self-doubt, my burnings became less frequent. I would only burn important things like letters, prescription information or address labels from boxes. The other trash, I would put in the rubbish field with the scattered rubbish left by other teachers who had not been burning. Milk boxes, chicken bones and carrot tops were ok to be left on the ground, I thought. It’s not littering, I reasoned, the goats will come and eat it, or children will come and take it to play with. My first year as a Peace Corps volunteer turned into my second as told myself still, it’s ok because other people are doing it.
But it wasn’t ok. I had let it continue too long. The burnings had dwindled to once a month or every other month. More and more rubbish was being left on the ground in the rubbish field. I left the rubbish atop the mound the boys used to burn their trash on chore day, but it just didn’t seem to atone for the sin like I hoped it would. I despaired. I couldn’t see the difference between a rubbish field and a regular street in Khorixas anymore. I fell deeper and deeper into a hole of loose garbage morals of my own making. Children would come to my door and offer to take my trash out… and I would let them! I could see them in the rubbish field taking the good parts and leaving the rest behind on the ground and I felt nothing buy apathy (and joy that my trash had been taken out). I couldn’t see the light from the bottom of the deep dark hole. Until, someone saved me.
This past weekend, I took my trash bag the ten steps to the rubbish field and started a back swing to launch it into the wasteland. Just before I let it fly into the air, a guard walked by. He was hired by the Ministry of Education to make sure the school is not broken into during the school holiday. He stopped and said, “Good morning.”
I let the trash hang by my side. “Good Morning,” I said.
“How are you?” the guard queried.
“Fine, thanks. And you?” I replied.
“Fine.”
Which wasn’t at all weird because every person you pass in Namibia, ever, must says some semblance of these things to you and every other person they pass. But then there was a pause. Then the guard raised his eyebrows and pointed. His accusatory finger was not pointing at me but it would have been much less painful if it had been. It was instead pointing at the one and only hostel yard rubbish bin, the one that had been full of grass for so long. He said simply, “There.”
“Oh,” I said quietly and hung my head in disgrace.
I was too ashamed to walk to the rubbish bin then, so I simply went inside. The next day, I had gathered enough courage to try a second time to take my trash out to the hostel’s lone trashcan. When I was approaching, I could see that the top no longer sported a huge mound of grass. I had been too blind, too apathetic, to see that the trashcan had been emptied! Trashcans were not an illusion! People were starting to care about what to do with their garbage! It was the beginning of a new era in Khorixas, where the streets would be clean. The Ministry of Works would pick up trash all throughout Khorixas – there would be no distinction between Town and Location, between rich or poor! All trash would be equal! This was momentous.
I reached the trashcan full of joy and hope and gracefully tossed my tied plastic bag in. I felt satisfaction. I felt accomplishment… I felt something on my foot. I looked down and it was my little bag of trash. How…? What…? I tipped the trashcan on its hinges and peered in. At the bottom of the can, I saw my toes peeking back at me. There was no bottom. That was it. Just a can. No bottom. A tube to accelerate littering on the ground. A laugh in the face to someone trying to clean up the chaos. A step backwards in the grand scheme of garbage.
You see, I tell you this cautionary tale so that you can see the plight of those who want privacy in a developing country. I tell you this so that you can look down into your own trashcans and consider what would actually make a good toy for a child who needs less to be entertained than an American child. I tell you this so that you can feel a small sense of joy when the garbage truck drives to your house and takes your trash away so that you never have to see it again.
No, but seriously, with three months left I still don’t have anything to do with my garbage.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
One Lazy Day
August 18, 2009
Here’s a secret about my job: Sometimes I go to work and I do absolutely nothing.
Now, don’t go out and join the Peace Corps right now. There are a lot of days that I’m so busy that I don’t sit down all day and my throat goes numb from yelling. But today was one of those days where I do absolutely nothing. The only thing I was supposed to do was get the kids ready for the National Science Fair at the beginning of term 3 in September. The Kunene region is short a couple projects and our grade 7 learners were runners up at the regional science fair. They may need to be prepared to go, but I’m not sure. Then, for the National Science Fair, there are special boards and special papers and this and that and what what what… but the man who is organizing the fair was out of the office today. Don’t know when he’ll be back. Just gone. So, I did nothing.
The kids are taking their end-of-term exams now. The whole school is on lockdown. We’re supposed to be concentrating and studying and wrapping up the term. Unfortunately, my term is wrapped up. I’m finished. So, I did nothing.
Today was nice though. Yesterday was really hot. The heat made some clouds overnight and today was really cold and cloudy. I can feel rainy season coming earlier this year. I bet that means it’s going to get hotter faster too. But this morning was nice while the cold lasted. I don’t know what it is about cold, but things get quieter. The roosters don’t crow. The kids go inside before they yell. Dogs don’t bark. It’s strange and calming. This morning was nice.
This afternoon, I read a little and then I took a walk to town. My first errand was to fax a letter to Windhoek. I had to go to the Telecom shop – which is just a phone company building. To fax my letter, they called me back to an empty room with one table that had a fax machine sitting on top of it. Nothing else. One window. The woman who worked there was dialing in the Windhoek fax number and a man was standing next to her. He was reading my letter. I waved my hand in front of his face and said, “Sorry, sir, it’s private.” His expression was like I had just slapped him. He took a step back. The woman who worked in the shop looked worried. She said, “Sorry, miss, I was just reading the fax number!” When the fax machine printed out the paper saying Windhoek had received the fax, she turned her head and felt around the machine until she could grab the paper and hand it to me without looking at it. Ha! It’s no wonder those of us with western attitudes get such a bad rap – all professional-like… what’s the big deal? Chances are neither of them cared what my letter said or what to make of the information.
The next errand was to buy a stamp to mail a letter to one of my best American pen pals (thanks to those who write)(really. You = mail box bliss). When I walked into the post office, it was completely empty. I’ve never seen it completely empty. Normally, I walk in and have to wait 20 minutes to 2 hours before I get to the window. Then, I try to keep my sentences short and fast to ward off any old people trying to push their way to the window to collect their pension from the government. Then, I walk off dejected because old people are really a lot stronger and pushier than you would think. Anyway, today it was empty and while I was still standing in the doorway (marveling at the emptiness), the post worker said, “Hello, Jess”. I felt so loved, so accepted, so welcomed. I love the post. Not only can they tell Jill and me apart but also I have a nickname. Mmm, good day. It was like post office heaven.
The next errand was to buy more Namibian pumpkin and some apples from the grocery store. Whenever you buy produce at the grocery store you have to get it weighed in the produce section before you take it to register. Granted, the produce section in Khorixas is about the size as a bathroom. I was about to pick up some apples to make applesauce when the produce-weigher grabbed my elbow and led me to a box around the corner that was filled with apples. Cheaper apples. Yay, secret weigher info! The pumpkin is pre-weighed. Don’t know why.
I decided an impulse buy was in order for the day. So I settled on buying some sweets. I wanted something chewy, like gummy bears. So I went to the sweets section. I grabbed the candy that looked closet to gummy bears and threw it in my basket. Then, I had to pull it back out to take a closer look: On the front it said “the unreal world of MANHATTAN”. Just below that it had a picture of a kangaroo with eye shadow and long eyelashes. Her name was Kylie Kangaroo, the bag told me. She had her pouch open and inside it was a picture of the candy I was about to consume: little “gum babies”. The rest of the package was decorated with these “gum babies” of all different colors (red and yellow, black and white… and green) floating around. The babies were posed like chubby mummies; legs stick straight and arms folded over the body. But, alas, each baby had a broad smile and chubby cheeks, obviously to encourage you to eat it. Finally, the back had a picture of a cow head and it said, “Cow-moo-nicate with us…” with an address and phone number, in case you are not satisfied with your babies, you can send them back. Tell me American packaging is this weird and I just haven’t noticed before… right? Oh, baby.
I took my babies, pumpkin and apples up to the register to pay, but I didn’t make it before a pack of Grade 5 girls, each one buying one item: oil, sweets, cookies, soda… it was a good day in the land of Grade 5 girls (except the girl with oil still confuses me). The first girl stood proudly at the register. Her total came to N$6.95. Unfortunately, she only had a 5-dollar coin. She scooped her sweets off the counter and back into the store to reevaluate her choice. The second girl nudged her oil across the counter. The checker looked up the price and told the girl. The small girl pulled a huge bag out of her dress pocket and dumped it on the counter. Hundreds of 5-cent pieces scattered everywhere. The checker gave the small girl a you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me look and then gave me a kind look and told me to go to my own cash register, opened specifically for my needs. Yup, it was a good day in the grocery store.
I wandered home at a pace of a Namibian person 50 years my senior, chewing my gum babies. The yellow gum babies are the best tasting. Plus, the yellow color makes it hard to see their creepy smile. Chewing my gum babies and surrounded by Khorixas–location chaos, I marveled that so much could be accomplished in Khorixas town. It was like an up and coming metropolis. I was rounding the corner to the school hostel when one of my grade 6 learners stopped me by standing in my path. She stood staring at me and smiling. I had the last red gum baby stuck in my tooth and the wind was blowing pretty badly (a symptom of dry season) which makes my nose run uncontrollably, so my learner had a lot to be staring and smiling at. She finally said, as I was picking baby out of my teeth, “Oh, miss, you are so Beeaaauuutiful today.” I paused for a second to remember that sarcasm doesn’t exist in Grade 6 Namibian English. So I said, “Oh, thank you!” and made a mental note to give her a few extra stickers for being oblivious.
I made it home no worse for wear and with all my errands accomplished. So you see, Khorixas was nice to me today. Tomorrow I may not be so lucky. Which goes to show, you can have your baby and eat it too!
Actually, no baby eating. That’s weird.
Here’s a secret about my job: Sometimes I go to work and I do absolutely nothing.
Now, don’t go out and join the Peace Corps right now. There are a lot of days that I’m so busy that I don’t sit down all day and my throat goes numb from yelling. But today was one of those days where I do absolutely nothing. The only thing I was supposed to do was get the kids ready for the National Science Fair at the beginning of term 3 in September. The Kunene region is short a couple projects and our grade 7 learners were runners up at the regional science fair. They may need to be prepared to go, but I’m not sure. Then, for the National Science Fair, there are special boards and special papers and this and that and what what what… but the man who is organizing the fair was out of the office today. Don’t know when he’ll be back. Just gone. So, I did nothing.
The kids are taking their end-of-term exams now. The whole school is on lockdown. We’re supposed to be concentrating and studying and wrapping up the term. Unfortunately, my term is wrapped up. I’m finished. So, I did nothing.
Today was nice though. Yesterday was really hot. The heat made some clouds overnight and today was really cold and cloudy. I can feel rainy season coming earlier this year. I bet that means it’s going to get hotter faster too. But this morning was nice while the cold lasted. I don’t know what it is about cold, but things get quieter. The roosters don’t crow. The kids go inside before they yell. Dogs don’t bark. It’s strange and calming. This morning was nice.
This afternoon, I read a little and then I took a walk to town. My first errand was to fax a letter to Windhoek. I had to go to the Telecom shop – which is just a phone company building. To fax my letter, they called me back to an empty room with one table that had a fax machine sitting on top of it. Nothing else. One window. The woman who worked there was dialing in the Windhoek fax number and a man was standing next to her. He was reading my letter. I waved my hand in front of his face and said, “Sorry, sir, it’s private.” His expression was like I had just slapped him. He took a step back. The woman who worked in the shop looked worried. She said, “Sorry, miss, I was just reading the fax number!” When the fax machine printed out the paper saying Windhoek had received the fax, she turned her head and felt around the machine until she could grab the paper and hand it to me without looking at it. Ha! It’s no wonder those of us with western attitudes get such a bad rap – all professional-like… what’s the big deal? Chances are neither of them cared what my letter said or what to make of the information.
The next errand was to buy a stamp to mail a letter to one of my best American pen pals (thanks to those who write)(really. You = mail box bliss). When I walked into the post office, it was completely empty. I’ve never seen it completely empty. Normally, I walk in and have to wait 20 minutes to 2 hours before I get to the window. Then, I try to keep my sentences short and fast to ward off any old people trying to push their way to the window to collect their pension from the government. Then, I walk off dejected because old people are really a lot stronger and pushier than you would think. Anyway, today it was empty and while I was still standing in the doorway (marveling at the emptiness), the post worker said, “Hello, Jess”. I felt so loved, so accepted, so welcomed. I love the post. Not only can they tell Jill and me apart but also I have a nickname. Mmm, good day. It was like post office heaven.
The next errand was to buy more Namibian pumpkin and some apples from the grocery store. Whenever you buy produce at the grocery store you have to get it weighed in the produce section before you take it to register. Granted, the produce section in Khorixas is about the size as a bathroom. I was about to pick up some apples to make applesauce when the produce-weigher grabbed my elbow and led me to a box around the corner that was filled with apples. Cheaper apples. Yay, secret weigher info! The pumpkin is pre-weighed. Don’t know why.
I decided an impulse buy was in order for the day. So I settled on buying some sweets. I wanted something chewy, like gummy bears. So I went to the sweets section. I grabbed the candy that looked closet to gummy bears and threw it in my basket. Then, I had to pull it back out to take a closer look: On the front it said “the unreal world of MANHATTAN”. Just below that it had a picture of a kangaroo with eye shadow and long eyelashes. Her name was Kylie Kangaroo, the bag told me. She had her pouch open and inside it was a picture of the candy I was about to consume: little “gum babies”. The rest of the package was decorated with these “gum babies” of all different colors (red and yellow, black and white… and green) floating around. The babies were posed like chubby mummies; legs stick straight and arms folded over the body. But, alas, each baby had a broad smile and chubby cheeks, obviously to encourage you to eat it. Finally, the back had a picture of a cow head and it said, “Cow-moo-nicate with us…” with an address and phone number, in case you are not satisfied with your babies, you can send them back. Tell me American packaging is this weird and I just haven’t noticed before… right? Oh, baby.
I took my babies, pumpkin and apples up to the register to pay, but I didn’t make it before a pack of Grade 5 girls, each one buying one item: oil, sweets, cookies, soda… it was a good day in the land of Grade 5 girls (except the girl with oil still confuses me). The first girl stood proudly at the register. Her total came to N$6.95. Unfortunately, she only had a 5-dollar coin. She scooped her sweets off the counter and back into the store to reevaluate her choice. The second girl nudged her oil across the counter. The checker looked up the price and told the girl. The small girl pulled a huge bag out of her dress pocket and dumped it on the counter. Hundreds of 5-cent pieces scattered everywhere. The checker gave the small girl a you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me look and then gave me a kind look and told me to go to my own cash register, opened specifically for my needs. Yup, it was a good day in the grocery store.
I wandered home at a pace of a Namibian person 50 years my senior, chewing my gum babies. The yellow gum babies are the best tasting. Plus, the yellow color makes it hard to see their creepy smile. Chewing my gum babies and surrounded by Khorixas–location chaos, I marveled that so much could be accomplished in Khorixas town. It was like an up and coming metropolis. I was rounding the corner to the school hostel when one of my grade 6 learners stopped me by standing in my path. She stood staring at me and smiling. I had the last red gum baby stuck in my tooth and the wind was blowing pretty badly (a symptom of dry season) which makes my nose run uncontrollably, so my learner had a lot to be staring and smiling at. She finally said, as I was picking baby out of my teeth, “Oh, miss, you are so Beeaaauuutiful today.” I paused for a second to remember that sarcasm doesn’t exist in Grade 6 Namibian English. So I said, “Oh, thank you!” and made a mental note to give her a few extra stickers for being oblivious.
I made it home no worse for wear and with all my errands accomplished. So you see, Khorixas was nice to me today. Tomorrow I may not be so lucky. Which goes to show, you can have your baby and eat it too!
Actually, no baby eating. That’s weird.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
COMPUTERS!!!
The computers came this weekend!!!!! It’s been so many months waiting for our two computers to make their way across the Atlantic and to our humble little school.If you don’t remember, when I was home for Christmas I raised money for my school to get computers. People gave money or bought crafts made by women in my community. It was super encouraging to be surrounded by such generosity! Then, at the beginning of this year, I ordered some computers from a donation company in Seattle. The money was used to refurbish the computers and ship them to Namibia (I got a great deal on shipping, by the way. Great deal!). And now, 8 months later, the computers are sitting in the office of Eddie Bowe Primary School. They could not have gone to a school that would appreciate them more. My colleagues are so excited to better their school and now they have the tools to do it.
Thank you for those of you who helped!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Leaving a Legacy
4 August 2009
I write about facebook a lot in my blog. We’re really lucky to have such good phone service in Namibia. Even though it can be maddening at time when things go all “Africa” on us, a majority of the time I’m connected. And it feels great.
In Peace Corps Namibia we have a publication called “Izit?”. The story behind Izit?’s name came from a popular saying in Namibia. It’s common to be telling a story and have all the listeners respond, “Is it?!?” In fact, “Is it?!?” ranks just below “Oooh-Kaaaay” and just above “Don’t say that!!!” in Namibian responses. I’ve adopted all of them in my normal speech.
Anyway, all that’s to tell you about our PCV publication Izit?. Nam27 (my group of PCVs) is the first group to really embrace mobile Internet on our cell phones. So, this year, when we took over Izit? a new section was added: “Facebook Statuses, Straight from Your Phone”. For those of you unfamiliar with facebook, statuses are a part of your profile page that you can update as often as you like. Most people tell what they’re doing at the moment or how they’re feeling. It is mandatory that the status starts with your name. So, if I updated my facebook status right now, I might say, “Jessica Royer is having a blast writing her blog after a two month hiatus.” The new Izit? facebook article included these gems from current PCVs in Namibia (names have been omitted just because having names would be weird):
[A PCV]’s youth center is planning to have a meeting to plan a planning meeting. Now now.
[A PCV] thinks a grilled cheese for breakfast as WELL as dinner makes for all the essential vitamins and nutrients.
[A PCV]: that’s right, it took us 5 hours to go 10k.
[A PCV] keeps getting faint whiffs of doody and can’t rule out that it might be his own clothes… Thank you peace corps for lowering my standards even further.
[A PCV] just printed 2 copies of a Valentine for a learner addressed to different girls. They both say “You are my one and only”
[A PCV] is amazed how things work out in Namibia. Yesterday I didn’t eat and had no money. Today I’m watching a plasma HD game of rugby and drinking wine in A/C. Wow.
It’s always to fun to read my PCV friends’ status updates. They can be so entertaining. They’re nice because they comment on the little nuances about Namibia that you wouldn’t notice unless you were working inside the system. Sometimes they’re negative and sometimes they’re positive but most of the time they represent two cultures coming together (and how rocky that experience actually is).
As the time before I leave Namibia gets shorter and shorter, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can finish strongly. Coming closer to the end means a lot of reflections. What was this time here all about? Have I made a difference? How have I changed? For the rest of 2009, I want to tie up loose ends. I want to make sure that everything is finished and ready to be left on it’s own. Or maybe not so much on it’s own but in the hands of another…
Recently, I found out that I am being replaced with a new Peace Corps volunteer. This is great news! I am excited that another person will be investing in Eddie Bowe Primary School for another two years. I will meet the new volunteer in September. Everyone is so excited for the PCV to come. The new volunteer will be staying with a family in Khorixas. People are so excited about the new volunteer that there was a moment of great disappointment when they were told that not all of them could be chosen to host the volunteer in their homes. When we finally decided on a host family, the host mother told her little daughter that “Jessica’s sister will be coming” (the family requested a female volunteer, hence “sister”). The little girl was so excited that she’s been telling all her friends that the new white girl is going to come live at her house.
With great excitement also come great expectations. Only now, watching a school prepare for a volunteer can I see how devastating it would have been for me to leave early. Volunteers who leave Namibia before even spending a week at their site make a huge hole in their host organization. A place was prepared and then there is no one to fill it. Peace Corps volunteers are never held to the full two years. I could have left at any moment. But every day held just enough hope that I stuck around and I’m glad I did. I hope this new volunteers sees how much they’re needed and appreciated.
Since I started my two years, the program has changed a little bit. We arrived in country on November 2nd and we moved to our sites on January 9th. Everyone from the previous group had gone home by then. This year, Nam30 will arrive in August and will be at site by October. I get to spend my last two months with the new volunteer. Sometimes I get really excited about this. Other times I get really worried – what if they’re way cooler than me? I bet they’ll be able to speak Damara in a couple of days? What if they really like to bake and make a cake for the staff every week? Seriously, these are things to consider! I need to get my act together before October!
I write about facebook a lot in my blog. We’re really lucky to have such good phone service in Namibia. Even though it can be maddening at time when things go all “Africa” on us, a majority of the time I’m connected. And it feels great.
In Peace Corps Namibia we have a publication called “Izit?”. The story behind Izit?’s name came from a popular saying in Namibia. It’s common to be telling a story and have all the listeners respond, “Is it?!?” In fact, “Is it?!?” ranks just below “Oooh-Kaaaay” and just above “Don’t say that!!!” in Namibian responses. I’ve adopted all of them in my normal speech.
Anyway, all that’s to tell you about our PCV publication Izit?. Nam27 (my group of PCVs) is the first group to really embrace mobile Internet on our cell phones. So, this year, when we took over Izit? a new section was added: “Facebook Statuses, Straight from Your Phone”. For those of you unfamiliar with facebook, statuses are a part of your profile page that you can update as often as you like. Most people tell what they’re doing at the moment or how they’re feeling. It is mandatory that the status starts with your name. So, if I updated my facebook status right now, I might say, “Jessica Royer is having a blast writing her blog after a two month hiatus.” The new Izit? facebook article included these gems from current PCVs in Namibia (names have been omitted just because having names would be weird):
[A PCV]’s youth center is planning to have a meeting to plan a planning meeting. Now now.
[A PCV] thinks a grilled cheese for breakfast as WELL as dinner makes for all the essential vitamins and nutrients.
[A PCV]: that’s right, it took us 5 hours to go 10k.
[A PCV] keeps getting faint whiffs of doody and can’t rule out that it might be his own clothes… Thank you peace corps for lowering my standards even further.
[A PCV] just printed 2 copies of a Valentine for a learner addressed to different girls. They both say “You are my one and only”
[A PCV] is amazed how things work out in Namibia. Yesterday I didn’t eat and had no money. Today I’m watching a plasma HD game of rugby and drinking wine in A/C. Wow.
It’s always to fun to read my PCV friends’ status updates. They can be so entertaining. They’re nice because they comment on the little nuances about Namibia that you wouldn’t notice unless you were working inside the system. Sometimes they’re negative and sometimes they’re positive but most of the time they represent two cultures coming together (and how rocky that experience actually is).
As the time before I leave Namibia gets shorter and shorter, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can finish strongly. Coming closer to the end means a lot of reflections. What was this time here all about? Have I made a difference? How have I changed? For the rest of 2009, I want to tie up loose ends. I want to make sure that everything is finished and ready to be left on it’s own. Or maybe not so much on it’s own but in the hands of another…
Recently, I found out that I am being replaced with a new Peace Corps volunteer. This is great news! I am excited that another person will be investing in Eddie Bowe Primary School for another two years. I will meet the new volunteer in September. Everyone is so excited for the PCV to come. The new volunteer will be staying with a family in Khorixas. People are so excited about the new volunteer that there was a moment of great disappointment when they were told that not all of them could be chosen to host the volunteer in their homes. When we finally decided on a host family, the host mother told her little daughter that “Jessica’s sister will be coming” (the family requested a female volunteer, hence “sister”). The little girl was so excited that she’s been telling all her friends that the new white girl is going to come live at her house.
With great excitement also come great expectations. Only now, watching a school prepare for a volunteer can I see how devastating it would have been for me to leave early. Volunteers who leave Namibia before even spending a week at their site make a huge hole in their host organization. A place was prepared and then there is no one to fill it. Peace Corps volunteers are never held to the full two years. I could have left at any moment. But every day held just enough hope that I stuck around and I’m glad I did. I hope this new volunteers sees how much they’re needed and appreciated.
Since I started my two years, the program has changed a little bit. We arrived in country on November 2nd and we moved to our sites on January 9th. Everyone from the previous group had gone home by then. This year, Nam30 will arrive in August and will be at site by October. I get to spend my last two months with the new volunteer. Sometimes I get really excited about this. Other times I get really worried – what if they’re way cooler than me? I bet they’ll be able to speak Damara in a couple of days? What if they really like to bake and make a cake for the staff every week? Seriously, these are things to consider! I need to get my act together before October!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Magic Bus Ride
I keep reading online about record-breaking temperatures in the states. Here, it still feels a bit like winter today. Lucky for me, I have my sleeping bag to keep me warm. You know, I think that sleeping bags have a magical power. If you are feeling sick, or insecure, or tired and you slide into your sleeping bag you instantly feel better. It may only be my sleeping bag (which is falling apart at the seams now) but I have a theory that it works with any sleeping bag.
Life at school has just settled down for me. Last week was the Kunene regional science fair. We had big expectations for this year, given last year’s huge success and put a lot of work into our projects the weeks before the fair. The fair was held in Opuwo this year, so getting there and back was quite an adventure.
This past Friday morning, the 24th, I walked out into the hostel yard in the dark morning hours. Everything was quiet and my 6 science fair kids were nowhere to be seen. This aggravated me because I had told them over and over again not to be late. And to make matters worse, the hostel matron had promised us food for our journey and she was MIA. Two minutes after 6 AM a huge bus rolled into the hostel yard and started honking it’s horn. True to Namibian form, hundreds of kids appeared for a chance at excitement, my 6 among them. Suddenly, at my side was the matron with a box crammed with sandwiches and sausages. The wave of children ushered us onto the bus and we were gone to the regional science fair.
From Khorixas, it’s about a 4-hour drive to Opuwo. This Friday, it took us 9 hours. The bus was full – 4 learners to a three person seat. Snacks and soda being tossed around. A couple of secondary school boys were thrown off the bus for drinking alcohol. Pit stops were always in the bush, girls on the left, boys on the right. Who needs toilets?
By the time me and the other chaperones disembarked from the bus in Opuwo we were frazzled and ready for a break. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in the cards for us. A lot of the jobs I acquire in my life are because no one else wants them. I feel a bit of shame in this. But it’s become a repeating pattern in my life, so who am I to reject it now? Needless to say, the frazzled chaperones were gifted the jobs of science fair judge. Such power. Such influence. And no one else wanted the job.
There were about 9 altogether that got roped into the job of judge. We started our work almost immediately after stepping off the bus. A lot of the kids remembered me from judging last year. As it turned out, this year was much more fun than last year. I think it was because it was one of those few times I actually feel like I know what I’m doing here.
We stopped judging about 5 hours later and decided to finish the next morning. I spent the night at my fellow PCVs’ house (with a new and improved burglar bar door in place since the incident in March). And returned the next morning to finish judging. That morning, the last project I judged was on astronauts. The kids were really confident in all of their answers. Unfortunately, they were not correct in all their answers. For example, to the question, “Why do astronauts need space suits when they are in space?” they answered, “There are chemicals in space that will burn the person’s skin if they don’t have a suit.” To which I replied, “Are you sure? Is there another reason?” Answer, “Well, the chemicals and the strong winds will blow the astronaut away…” I could tell that my standards are lower because I was so impressed that they at least tried to answer the question. You see, the normal Nam-child response to a hard question is to stare and then cover your face with your hands until the questioning adult leaves. It’s so frustrating to have children shut down when you ask them a question. But the learners with the astronaut project were BSing! They were saying something! I gave them some points for confidence and finished up my tallies for the award ceremony that followed the fair.
This year, Eddie Bowe entered two grade 5 learners, Morris and Marimocha, who did a project about water purification. We entered two grade 6 learners, Losia and Kennedy, who won bronze in the National Science Fair last year in Windhoek. Their project was on plants. And we entered two grade seven learners, Sylvester and Mildredt, who did a fantastic project about gravity. I think grade 7’s project was my favorite – it was about air resistance and gravity. Losia and Kennedy, the two veterans, are great answering interviewing judges. They have confidence and they knew the answers to questions because they practiced, studied and prepared for the science fair. Grade 5 and grade 7, the four newbies, were very afraid to answer questions and were very timid and unsure while preparing in the weeks before the fair.
All the learners did great. However, confidence and experience prevailed and only two (Losia and Kennedy) out of six won an award. Losia and Kennedy got third place of all the primary school projects. They are going to National Science fair in Windhoek again this year! And I am proud of them.
After the award ceremony, I felt bad for the four Eddie Bowe learners who had expected so much and were walking away with nothing. They had tried. They spent a lot of time helping to make their board look beautiful but they were lacking in their ability to answer questions. More than once, I glanced over and saw my learners with their hands over their face and a judge impatiently waiting for a reply. Maybe next year they will have the skills to get further. It’s always a chance to get learn and grow.
The science fair and award ceremony were finished at 12:30 on Saturday afternoon. The kids were given a quick lunch and told to get on the bus. So, we got on the bus… Then, we did not make it back to Khorixas until 7pm on Sunday night. The only comfort in the complete tediousness of the bus was knowing that I will not have any problem reintegrating into American culture when I go home and this is why: I was so frustrated! Any American would be, right? But all of the other teachers on the bus didn’t seem to care that it took a day and a half to get home… there’s something to be said for a person who can integrate into another culture and make it their own… Unfortunately, I will never be that person. If only because I will never think it is ok for a 4-hour trip to take a day and a half… That’s all I’m saying :)
Life at school has just settled down for me. Last week was the Kunene regional science fair. We had big expectations for this year, given last year’s huge success and put a lot of work into our projects the weeks before the fair. The fair was held in Opuwo this year, so getting there and back was quite an adventure.
This past Friday morning, the 24th, I walked out into the hostel yard in the dark morning hours. Everything was quiet and my 6 science fair kids were nowhere to be seen. This aggravated me because I had told them over and over again not to be late. And to make matters worse, the hostel matron had promised us food for our journey and she was MIA. Two minutes after 6 AM a huge bus rolled into the hostel yard and started honking it’s horn. True to Namibian form, hundreds of kids appeared for a chance at excitement, my 6 among them. Suddenly, at my side was the matron with a box crammed with sandwiches and sausages. The wave of children ushered us onto the bus and we were gone to the regional science fair.
From Khorixas, it’s about a 4-hour drive to Opuwo. This Friday, it took us 9 hours. The bus was full – 4 learners to a three person seat. Snacks and soda being tossed around. A couple of secondary school boys were thrown off the bus for drinking alcohol. Pit stops were always in the bush, girls on the left, boys on the right. Who needs toilets?
By the time me and the other chaperones disembarked from the bus in Opuwo we were frazzled and ready for a break. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in the cards for us. A lot of the jobs I acquire in my life are because no one else wants them. I feel a bit of shame in this. But it’s become a repeating pattern in my life, so who am I to reject it now? Needless to say, the frazzled chaperones were gifted the jobs of science fair judge. Such power. Such influence. And no one else wanted the job.
There were about 9 altogether that got roped into the job of judge. We started our work almost immediately after stepping off the bus. A lot of the kids remembered me from judging last year. As it turned out, this year was much more fun than last year. I think it was because it was one of those few times I actually feel like I know what I’m doing here.
We stopped judging about 5 hours later and decided to finish the next morning. I spent the night at my fellow PCVs’ house (with a new and improved burglar bar door in place since the incident in March). And returned the next morning to finish judging. That morning, the last project I judged was on astronauts. The kids were really confident in all of their answers. Unfortunately, they were not correct in all their answers. For example, to the question, “Why do astronauts need space suits when they are in space?” they answered, “There are chemicals in space that will burn the person’s skin if they don’t have a suit.” To which I replied, “Are you sure? Is there another reason?” Answer, “Well, the chemicals and the strong winds will blow the astronaut away…” I could tell that my standards are lower because I was so impressed that they at least tried to answer the question. You see, the normal Nam-child response to a hard question is to stare and then cover your face with your hands until the questioning adult leaves. It’s so frustrating to have children shut down when you ask them a question. But the learners with the astronaut project were BSing! They were saying something! I gave them some points for confidence and finished up my tallies for the award ceremony that followed the fair.
This year, Eddie Bowe entered two grade 5 learners, Morris and Marimocha, who did a project about water purification. We entered two grade 6 learners, Losia and Kennedy, who won bronze in the National Science Fair last year in Windhoek. Their project was on plants. And we entered two grade seven learners, Sylvester and Mildredt, who did a fantastic project about gravity. I think grade 7’s project was my favorite – it was about air resistance and gravity. Losia and Kennedy, the two veterans, are great answering interviewing judges. They have confidence and they knew the answers to questions because they practiced, studied and prepared for the science fair. Grade 5 and grade 7, the four newbies, were very afraid to answer questions and were very timid and unsure while preparing in the weeks before the fair.
All the learners did great. However, confidence and experience prevailed and only two (Losia and Kennedy) out of six won an award. Losia and Kennedy got third place of all the primary school projects. They are going to National Science fair in Windhoek again this year! And I am proud of them.
After the award ceremony, I felt bad for the four Eddie Bowe learners who had expected so much and were walking away with nothing. They had tried. They spent a lot of time helping to make their board look beautiful but they were lacking in their ability to answer questions. More than once, I glanced over and saw my learners with their hands over their face and a judge impatiently waiting for a reply. Maybe next year they will have the skills to get further. It’s always a chance to get learn and grow.
The science fair and award ceremony were finished at 12:30 on Saturday afternoon. The kids were given a quick lunch and told to get on the bus. So, we got on the bus… Then, we did not make it back to Khorixas until 7pm on Sunday night. The only comfort in the complete tediousness of the bus was knowing that I will not have any problem reintegrating into American culture when I go home and this is why: I was so frustrated! Any American would be, right? But all of the other teachers on the bus didn’t seem to care that it took a day and a half to get home… there’s something to be said for a person who can integrate into another culture and make it their own… Unfortunately, I will never be that person. If only because I will never think it is ok for a 4-hour trip to take a day and a half… That’s all I’m saying :)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Melodrama and Other Strange Things
Friday June 12, 2009
I was watching Long Way Down recently with Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman. It’s a really great documentary where the two actors drive from Scotland to Cape Town on motorcycles. It’s really fun to see places I’ve been, mostly because documentaries make everything look so African and I’ve been there! Anyway, somewhere in central Africa, Ewan was watching a donkey cart drive by and got really excited. He said:
“I’m going to have the first donkey cart in North London. I’m going totally green. Never mind your Toyota Prius, I’m going donkey power!”
I appreciated his reaction to the cart because I watch donkey carts drive by all the time and I think the same thing. Except I’m not famous, so it doesn’t sound as cool. And, obviously, I’m not from North London.
Anyway, at the end of school today, I was frantically running around trying to finish up some scholarship applications for three of our very bright learners. I’m hoping they’ll get money to go into a good secondary school. It’s been very rewarding to work with these three learners and their families on these applications.
It’s very obvious that the people who live around me are poor. In fact, they’ll even tell you they’re poor. Or they’ll tell you that their hair is falling out and that they desperately need your food to help them. Only one slice of your bread… your apple… your money… your tea… will save this person, this learner, this child who’s come to your door without another place to turn, a victim of a cruel world – at least that’s how it’s presented to you as your being solicited. And these people aren’t wrong. They’re poor.
In contrast though, we have these three learners I’ve been working with this week. These learners have been a joy to work with because they have nothing. I mean nothing. But I never noticed until this week when I was scrambling to accumulate their financial records for this scholarship. I was scrambling to get this information because it does not exist. None of these learners’ parents have an income. And yet, everyday, without fail, all three of these learners can be found in class with a fresh face and a good attitude. None of them have asked me for food (more than once) and all of them are deeply respectful to everyone around them. They have no reason to be hopeful and yet they are. They have no inspiration around them to work hard, but they do. These three learners see something in the future that’s better than they’re current tin-shack life. What’s better is that their parents see it too. These kids’ parents are all so proud of their learners. They’re willing to help in whatever way possible and they’re excited that an opportunity exists.
I’m also glad that a scholarship exists in Namibia. Even if my learners don’t receive it, it’s nice to know that there is a hope for bright learners in dull situations. We all worked hard on these applications and now it’s time to cross our fingers and hope for the best.
Luckily, today is the beginning of a four-day weekend. Tuesday the 16th is the Day of the African Child. Which means No School Monday and Tuesday! WooHoo! So now it’s time to wind down for a long weekend of crosswords, reading and a small jaunt to Windhoek for a visit with Peace Corps and some other business.
Speaking of Peace Corps, one of the things that I like about PC is also one of the things I detest about Peace Corps and it is this: They give you entirely too much information. They give you information about how to dress, how to talk, how to sleep, how to eat, how to greet people, how to take medicine, how to sit, how to teach, how to travel, how to cope with emotions, how to put on a band-aid… on and on and on. So, it should not surprise you that I’ve also been briefed on how to write a blog post. The motto is this: Write blog posts on good days. Write journal entries on bad days.
I’ve held pretty true to form and usually only write blog posts on good days. Sometimes I write blog posts on bad days and see if I can make them sound good. Other times bad days are just funny – getting peed on by a goat? Funny. But mostly, I write about good days. Amazingly, I think that’s there’s been a pretty good representation of my experience here (obviously, it’s hard to relate everything. And I’m sure my blog would quickly become dull if I tried). I feel that you get the full experience – sunburns, terrible car rides and lame come-ons from creepy guys. But, at the same time, you don’t despair because you also get to experience adorable children, fun food and successful cross-cultural experiences too!
The reason I tell you all that is because I wrote a blog post on a bad day and I’m going to post it anyway. I’m going to post it in the spirit of getting the full experience. And because it’s a big deal in my life and this blog is to keep you up to date with big things that happen over here. I’m really enjoying my experience as a Peace Corps volunteer but I have to tell you it’s not all laughs and giggles and adorable children and funny cross cultural experiences. It’s real life. Just in Africa.
The section below, from June 9th, is still very pertinent in my life now. And it will probably be for some time to come. I’ve never been good at writing serious things – I always feel so melodramatic. But here you go.
Tuesday June 9, 2009
When I woke up on Monday morning, the power was out. I lit all the candles in the house (all easily accessible because the power outages aren’t that strange) and I was going about my morning routine. The only problem was that it was so quiet everywhere. Quiet inside for the lack of fans and computers. Quiet outside for the lack of children. And it was so dark and so cold too. It’s winter here now. It’s come in its full glory – shorter days, longer nights, cold toes, and foggy breath. I was standing over the sink, in the glow of candlelight brushing my teeth with icy water and I had the most surreal feeling. I didn’t know what time it was. Was it nighttime? Morning time? And more importantly, I didn’t know where I was. Or who I was. Or what I was doing here. And as all these doubts and questions came simultaneously into my silent bathroom, I had to hold my breath. I was afraid that if I started breathing again my reality, as I know it, would shatter. It was like all the images floating in front of my eyes weren’t real and if I thought about them too much they would vanish and I would be left with nothing.
Do you ever have that feeling? It’s always a risk to share something like that because sometimes people know exactly what you’re talking about. But other times, you get funny, sympathetic head tilts that confirm your worst fear: you’re crazy.
I know it seems like that’s out of left field, but it’s not. My friend died.
His name was Barry Kautuara. He was a teacher at my school. And he was my neighbor. I don’t usually write names of teachers in my blog. But you can trust me, if you’ve been reading my blog before, you’ve read about Barry. He was at every school event. He was always kind to me. Even before it was cool to be kind to the American. He was always out in the hostel yard ready to talk. He was always helpful and he would always take the time to explain things to me. But then, he would always take the time to listen to me too.
Our first day back to school this term (term 2 of the 3 in a year) was Tuesday March 26. We had our regular staff meeting that morning and we also had our regular staff prayer. It’s not uncommon for the prayer to be Damara. I just respectfully bow my head and consider it to be an extra minute or two that I can shut my eyes before the chaos of the day. When the prayer was finished on this morning, there was complete silence in the staff room. One woman was crying. Another got up and left the room. Silence. Days and nights of silence.
Finally, the principal cleared his throat and attempted to speak. He began, his voice cracked and then he began again, “Dear colleagues, I am also hearing this news at the same time you are hearing this new. One of our colleagues… one of our friends has passed away…” By this time my heart is in my throat. My head was frantically scanning the possibilities. And I am ashamed to say that in this small fraction of a second I comfortably assumed the unfortunate colleague was our dear, old, old social studies teacher who retired last year – it just made sense.
The principal began speaking again, “Mr. Kautuara was in a car accident traveling back after the break. It is a terrible loss…” I can’t be certain what was said next because by that time my brain was completely and utterly confused. I was absolutely sure that my principal had misspoken… Maybe Barry was in a car accident and now he’s in the hospital and he’ll be back to school later… maybe he meant to say one of the hundreds of other K surnames in Namibia: Kaiseb, Kariseb, Khais, Kameseb… I must have heard the principal wrong.
I came back to the conversations when the principal said, “Someone strong must tell the learners. I am not a strong person.” At this point, I was thankful – the news was about to be repeated to the learners. Everything would be said again in English during the school-wide assembly. For sure, this terrible mess would be made clear.
I am sorry to say that the news was repeated at assembly and it was the same. There was no change. There was no mistake. It was the same. And that this would be the beginning of my in-depth observations about the ways that Namibians handle death and the way an American handles the death of their Namibian friend.
I spent a lot of the past two weeks either offended by learners’ lack of respect for their late teacher, becoming closer to my colleagues through our shared mourning, completely confused or just plain heartbroken. That’s not to say that all learners were completely disrespectful. It’s just that 12, 13 and 14 year old minds aren’t always the most equipped to deal with death of a role model and mentor (which I am sure Barry was to many of these learners). At first, I was inclined to believe that the learners were being flippant about Barry because death is commonplace and, therefore, considered less important in Africa. I could not have been more wrong. In fact, I’m even shocked that I would let my mind wander there. Sure, there’s an AIDS epidemic. Sure, rural medical care is substandard and transport to hospitals is almost nonexistent. Sure, life is harder and shorter here. But when does the death of a father, mother, son, daughter, friend, or grandparent cease to take a toll on those who remain? I say, never.
But. Life has to continue. And it does. It hurts to move forward and it’s tragic to hold school the next day. It’s the worst thing in the world to dig through Barry’s desk looking for paperwork. And it’s awkward to tell learners to go to Mr. Kautuara’s class. I have to avoid looking into his classroom everyday – full of learners and no teacher (he was proud of his classroom and liked to keep it very neat. The learners have torn it apart since then).
My parents were still visiting when I first learned about Barry’s death. But when they left, it was doubly miserable and I felt very alone. Worst of the effects is that I am more afraid of transport in Namibia. I didn’t think it would be possible to become even more safety conscious than I already am. But it is. The only problem is that you can’t predict car accidents. They’re the worst kind of surprise.
Barry was Herero. I spend a lot of time with Damara people so I can’t be sure of the Herero tradition. But as I understand it, Hereros don’t like to keep bodies for too long. They must hold the funeral as soon as possible. For this reason, Barry’s funeral was on the weekend of the 29th. It was held by his family in a village outside of Okakarara. Our teachers asked for transportation from the Ministry of Education but our request was denied. Because of the long distance, our school sent a couple teachers as representatives for the school. They also took cards and letters to the family. Many people were distraught and completely outraged about being unable to attend the service. A few teachers were in tears as the Ministry explained that it wasn’t able to provide transport. And we all sat around for many hours trying to concoct an idea that would allow us to all go and pay our respects. But in the end, we could only afford to send those few teachers and that would have to be enough.
Since then, life has been a little off kilter. I find myself thinking about life and death quite a bit – the meaning of each and the reality that they both hold. My mind spends a lot of time dedicated to thoughts about religion and heaven and hell. I also think about what constitutes a true friendship considering the difference in cultures between Americans and Namibians. Often, I get stuck debating in my head when a death is about the mourners and when a death is about the departed. It’s harder to be the one left behind - my mom used to tell me, as a military brat watching my friends’ families pack up and move away. Maybe it’s true of death too. One things for sure though – I miss Barry.
I was watching Long Way Down recently with Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman. It’s a really great documentary where the two actors drive from Scotland to Cape Town on motorcycles. It’s really fun to see places I’ve been, mostly because documentaries make everything look so African and I’ve been there! Anyway, somewhere in central Africa, Ewan was watching a donkey cart drive by and got really excited. He said:
“I’m going to have the first donkey cart in North London. I’m going totally green. Never mind your Toyota Prius, I’m going donkey power!”
I appreciated his reaction to the cart because I watch donkey carts drive by all the time and I think the same thing. Except I’m not famous, so it doesn’t sound as cool. And, obviously, I’m not from North London.
Anyway, at the end of school today, I was frantically running around trying to finish up some scholarship applications for three of our very bright learners. I’m hoping they’ll get money to go into a good secondary school. It’s been very rewarding to work with these three learners and their families on these applications.
It’s very obvious that the people who live around me are poor. In fact, they’ll even tell you they’re poor. Or they’ll tell you that their hair is falling out and that they desperately need your food to help them. Only one slice of your bread… your apple… your money… your tea… will save this person, this learner, this child who’s come to your door without another place to turn, a victim of a cruel world – at least that’s how it’s presented to you as your being solicited. And these people aren’t wrong. They’re poor.
In contrast though, we have these three learners I’ve been working with this week. These learners have been a joy to work with because they have nothing. I mean nothing. But I never noticed until this week when I was scrambling to accumulate their financial records for this scholarship. I was scrambling to get this information because it does not exist. None of these learners’ parents have an income. And yet, everyday, without fail, all three of these learners can be found in class with a fresh face and a good attitude. None of them have asked me for food (more than once) and all of them are deeply respectful to everyone around them. They have no reason to be hopeful and yet they are. They have no inspiration around them to work hard, but they do. These three learners see something in the future that’s better than they’re current tin-shack life. What’s better is that their parents see it too. These kids’ parents are all so proud of their learners. They’re willing to help in whatever way possible and they’re excited that an opportunity exists.
I’m also glad that a scholarship exists in Namibia. Even if my learners don’t receive it, it’s nice to know that there is a hope for bright learners in dull situations. We all worked hard on these applications and now it’s time to cross our fingers and hope for the best.
Luckily, today is the beginning of a four-day weekend. Tuesday the 16th is the Day of the African Child. Which means No School Monday and Tuesday! WooHoo! So now it’s time to wind down for a long weekend of crosswords, reading and a small jaunt to Windhoek for a visit with Peace Corps and some other business.
Speaking of Peace Corps, one of the things that I like about PC is also one of the things I detest about Peace Corps and it is this: They give you entirely too much information. They give you information about how to dress, how to talk, how to sleep, how to eat, how to greet people, how to take medicine, how to sit, how to teach, how to travel, how to cope with emotions, how to put on a band-aid… on and on and on. So, it should not surprise you that I’ve also been briefed on how to write a blog post. The motto is this: Write blog posts on good days. Write journal entries on bad days.
I’ve held pretty true to form and usually only write blog posts on good days. Sometimes I write blog posts on bad days and see if I can make them sound good. Other times bad days are just funny – getting peed on by a goat? Funny. But mostly, I write about good days. Amazingly, I think that’s there’s been a pretty good representation of my experience here (obviously, it’s hard to relate everything. And I’m sure my blog would quickly become dull if I tried). I feel that you get the full experience – sunburns, terrible car rides and lame come-ons from creepy guys. But, at the same time, you don’t despair because you also get to experience adorable children, fun food and successful cross-cultural experiences too!
The reason I tell you all that is because I wrote a blog post on a bad day and I’m going to post it anyway. I’m going to post it in the spirit of getting the full experience. And because it’s a big deal in my life and this blog is to keep you up to date with big things that happen over here. I’m really enjoying my experience as a Peace Corps volunteer but I have to tell you it’s not all laughs and giggles and adorable children and funny cross cultural experiences. It’s real life. Just in Africa.
The section below, from June 9th, is still very pertinent in my life now. And it will probably be for some time to come. I’ve never been good at writing serious things – I always feel so melodramatic. But here you go.
Tuesday June 9, 2009
When I woke up on Monday morning, the power was out. I lit all the candles in the house (all easily accessible because the power outages aren’t that strange) and I was going about my morning routine. The only problem was that it was so quiet everywhere. Quiet inside for the lack of fans and computers. Quiet outside for the lack of children. And it was so dark and so cold too. It’s winter here now. It’s come in its full glory – shorter days, longer nights, cold toes, and foggy breath. I was standing over the sink, in the glow of candlelight brushing my teeth with icy water and I had the most surreal feeling. I didn’t know what time it was. Was it nighttime? Morning time? And more importantly, I didn’t know where I was. Or who I was. Or what I was doing here. And as all these doubts and questions came simultaneously into my silent bathroom, I had to hold my breath. I was afraid that if I started breathing again my reality, as I know it, would shatter. It was like all the images floating in front of my eyes weren’t real and if I thought about them too much they would vanish and I would be left with nothing.
Do you ever have that feeling? It’s always a risk to share something like that because sometimes people know exactly what you’re talking about. But other times, you get funny, sympathetic head tilts that confirm your worst fear: you’re crazy.
I know it seems like that’s out of left field, but it’s not. My friend died.
His name was Barry Kautuara. He was a teacher at my school. And he was my neighbor. I don’t usually write names of teachers in my blog. But you can trust me, if you’ve been reading my blog before, you’ve read about Barry. He was at every school event. He was always kind to me. Even before it was cool to be kind to the American. He was always out in the hostel yard ready to talk. He was always helpful and he would always take the time to explain things to me. But then, he would always take the time to listen to me too.
Our first day back to school this term (term 2 of the 3 in a year) was Tuesday March 26. We had our regular staff meeting that morning and we also had our regular staff prayer. It’s not uncommon for the prayer to be Damara. I just respectfully bow my head and consider it to be an extra minute or two that I can shut my eyes before the chaos of the day. When the prayer was finished on this morning, there was complete silence in the staff room. One woman was crying. Another got up and left the room. Silence. Days and nights of silence.
Finally, the principal cleared his throat and attempted to speak. He began, his voice cracked and then he began again, “Dear colleagues, I am also hearing this news at the same time you are hearing this new. One of our colleagues… one of our friends has passed away…” By this time my heart is in my throat. My head was frantically scanning the possibilities. And I am ashamed to say that in this small fraction of a second I comfortably assumed the unfortunate colleague was our dear, old, old social studies teacher who retired last year – it just made sense.
The principal began speaking again, “Mr. Kautuara was in a car accident traveling back after the break. It is a terrible loss…” I can’t be certain what was said next because by that time my brain was completely and utterly confused. I was absolutely sure that my principal had misspoken… Maybe Barry was in a car accident and now he’s in the hospital and he’ll be back to school later… maybe he meant to say one of the hundreds of other K surnames in Namibia: Kaiseb, Kariseb, Khais, Kameseb… I must have heard the principal wrong.
I came back to the conversations when the principal said, “Someone strong must tell the learners. I am not a strong person.” At this point, I was thankful – the news was about to be repeated to the learners. Everything would be said again in English during the school-wide assembly. For sure, this terrible mess would be made clear.
I am sorry to say that the news was repeated at assembly and it was the same. There was no change. There was no mistake. It was the same. And that this would be the beginning of my in-depth observations about the ways that Namibians handle death and the way an American handles the death of their Namibian friend.
I spent a lot of the past two weeks either offended by learners’ lack of respect for their late teacher, becoming closer to my colleagues through our shared mourning, completely confused or just plain heartbroken. That’s not to say that all learners were completely disrespectful. It’s just that 12, 13 and 14 year old minds aren’t always the most equipped to deal with death of a role model and mentor (which I am sure Barry was to many of these learners). At first, I was inclined to believe that the learners were being flippant about Barry because death is commonplace and, therefore, considered less important in Africa. I could not have been more wrong. In fact, I’m even shocked that I would let my mind wander there. Sure, there’s an AIDS epidemic. Sure, rural medical care is substandard and transport to hospitals is almost nonexistent. Sure, life is harder and shorter here. But when does the death of a father, mother, son, daughter, friend, or grandparent cease to take a toll on those who remain? I say, never.
But. Life has to continue. And it does. It hurts to move forward and it’s tragic to hold school the next day. It’s the worst thing in the world to dig through Barry’s desk looking for paperwork. And it’s awkward to tell learners to go to Mr. Kautuara’s class. I have to avoid looking into his classroom everyday – full of learners and no teacher (he was proud of his classroom and liked to keep it very neat. The learners have torn it apart since then).
My parents were still visiting when I first learned about Barry’s death. But when they left, it was doubly miserable and I felt very alone. Worst of the effects is that I am more afraid of transport in Namibia. I didn’t think it would be possible to become even more safety conscious than I already am. But it is. The only problem is that you can’t predict car accidents. They’re the worst kind of surprise.
Barry was Herero. I spend a lot of time with Damara people so I can’t be sure of the Herero tradition. But as I understand it, Hereros don’t like to keep bodies for too long. They must hold the funeral as soon as possible. For this reason, Barry’s funeral was on the weekend of the 29th. It was held by his family in a village outside of Okakarara. Our teachers asked for transportation from the Ministry of Education but our request was denied. Because of the long distance, our school sent a couple teachers as representatives for the school. They also took cards and letters to the family. Many people were distraught and completely outraged about being unable to attend the service. A few teachers were in tears as the Ministry explained that it wasn’t able to provide transport. And we all sat around for many hours trying to concoct an idea that would allow us to all go and pay our respects. But in the end, we could only afford to send those few teachers and that would have to be enough.
Since then, life has been a little off kilter. I find myself thinking about life and death quite a bit – the meaning of each and the reality that they both hold. My mind spends a lot of time dedicated to thoughts about religion and heaven and hell. I also think about what constitutes a true friendship considering the difference in cultures between Americans and Namibians. Often, I get stuck debating in my head when a death is about the mourners and when a death is about the departed. It’s harder to be the one left behind - my mom used to tell me, as a military brat watching my friends’ families pack up and move away. Maybe it’s true of death too. One things for sure though – I miss Barry.
Friday, May 29, 2009
My mom and dad just visited from the states. They arrived on May 9th in Cape Town, South Africa. And they left today, about 30 minutes ago, from Windhoek, Namibia. So much has happened in the past few weeks that my head is still spinning. But while my mom was here, I asked her to write about her visit so that I could post it on my blog. Isn't it nice to have a fresh point of view? So, what follows is her blog post for me. And, no, in case you're wondering, I did not pay her to write all those nice things.
May 27, 2009
Namibia is wonderful. Yes, the country is beautiful – majestic mountains, savannahs rich in color, deserts that go on forever, the ocean and coast line – truly, Namibia lives up to its name the Land of Contrasts.
But one of my core beliefs is that the people make the place and I can say without hesitation that the Namibian people are amazingly friendly, gracious, intelligent and accepting. They are such lovely people.
We rented a car in Windhoek, a VW Polo. Its nice, but the steering wheel is on the right and we are driving on the left side of the road which is a story for another blog post. Stopping at petrol stations is a treat. There are 4 to 6 attendants and when they see us turn into the stations, one will claim our car and start waving us to them. So much energy and great customer service – Oregon gas station attendants (well, attendant since there is usually only 1) can take notice. But, here’s a difference between cultures, Kent would say “fill up with regular” and the attendant would smile and say “good morning. How are you?” So Kent would have to stop and say “good morning. I am fine. How are you?” After the greeting, THEN we could get gasoline, along with all of the windows washed, the air in the tires checked, as well as fluid levels under the hood – now THAT is customer service. To be fair to Kent, this only happened once. He is a fast learner and now is a great greeter. And Kent has adapted quickly to driving on the left side of the road as well as negotiating check points and chatting with guards.
We have driven a long way in our short time here. We traveled the southern border to the northern border, then to the eastern border and into Zambia to see Victoria Falls, then all the way to the west coast. We’ve seen so much – animals, cultures, architecture, art, vistas. . . that it would do a disservice to try to explain it all in a single blog post. But there is one thing here in Namibia I will tell you about, the one major goal of my trip, and that was to be with Jessica. SHE is truly amazing. Her blog posts, as wonderful as they are (isn’t she a great writer?), don’t tell half of the story. Her strength and ingenuity, the way she communicates with the people here, the respect she has for herself, the culture, the school and the learners have left me in total awe. People ask me all of the time if I worry about her being in Africa. And, you know, I really don’t. I worried more about her driving up and down I-5 between home and school than I do here. And now that I’ve seen her here for myself, I’m even more sure and comfortable that she is in her element. She understands life and how to make wise choices and how to roll with the punches. AND, most importantly, she knows how to laugh.
Jessica and Jill decided to have a braai (BBQ) for us on Wednesday night – our last night in town. Jill’s parents just arrived in town. So Jessica and Jill bought a goat. Actually they arranged with Ginno to buy a goat for them. Well, Ginno bought the goat the day we arrived in Khorixas which is 4 days before the braai. What does one do with a goat for 4 days? We have no pin. It can’t stay IN the flat with us. We can’t have it bleating for 4 days. SO Gino and his brother decided to slaughter the goat for us. Okay, good plan. Oh wait, what does one do with a slaughtered goat for 4 days? Jessica is the most resourceful person I’ve ever met. There was a moment of “OMG! I own a goat!” Then she started laughing at the situation while unpacking the small freezer she owns hoping a slaughtered goat will fit into the small compartment (it did). The actually slaughtering of the goat was not my favorite part of this trip, but the skill that Ginno’s brother showed was amazing. He is about 14 or 15 and very strong and knows his way around a goat. The payment for slaughtering a goat for someone is the innards and the head. I guess those are the best parts. I was asked if I ever ate goat intestines before. Apparently they are delicious. You know, I can honestly say that I have never been asked that question before, and I can honestly say that now and for every time in the future that I’m asked that question, the answer will be no.
So lets jump forward to Tuesday when it is time for us to take the frozen goat to have it sectioned at the local butchery shop. We could not get the goat or the container it was in out of the freezer. . . both were stuck. Kent took a knife and chopped the ice away from the edges to break the goat and container free. We were laughing at our situation. Then we drove into town to have the butcher cut the goat for us. But the goat was frozen to the container and wouldn’t budge. I’m pretty sure everyone in the butcher shop was laughing at us, but, oh well. We brought the goat home and left it on the kitchen floor to thaw. Then the electricity went out and we ended up sitting in candlelight and cell phone light with a frozen goat.
Cute side note: when the lights came back on we could hear the children in the dorms cheering. It was so adorable! I really love the children here.
The braai went off without a hitch. The food, meat and porridge, was delicious, children dancing, a soccer game on the TV, lots of people – a fun, fun party!
Kent, Jessica and I spent part of our time in Khorixas working on the library, Jessica’s library at the school. It is a nice place and you can see Jessica’s handiwork throughout the room with the way she has organized the books, instructions she has posted, the card catalog with cards in her handwriting for each learner. However, the walls were peeling and the room just needed some brightening. So I picked out some bright paint colors – grass green, ocean blue and a sunny yellow, and we cleaned and painted the walls. It turned out very nice. We stenciled designs on the walls and hung curtains. The curtains we bought are shetangays – cut pieces of cloth that have multiple purposes from clothing, to wall coverings, to curtains, to whatever you need it to be. The shetangays we bought are red with green, yellow and blue star bursts. All of the colors we choose are colors from the Namibia flag and each color represents a part of Namibia. So even though we tried to make it bright and fun, we kept it educational and meaningful to the learners. It was awesome watching the learners and teachers come into the library seeing it for the first time. I sat with some kids looking at Ranger Rick magazines, showed some of the girls how I painted the flowers in the room, and spent time with a world map showing some of the boys where I live in relation to Khorixas. It was so fun.
It will be hard to go back to Oregon. I love the way I feel here. My shoulders are loose here, my brain actually turns off at night, I can drink coffee without getting a sour stomach, I can sit and watch people, chickens, donkeys, goats, and/or scenery without having to do something else. . . this is all really good for me, a person who is constantly on the move multi-tasking. I hope to take this part of Namibia home with me. Well, that and about another thousand hugs from Jessica.
Mom's Blog Post
May 27, 2009
Namibia is wonderful. Yes, the country is beautiful – majestic mountains, savannahs rich in color, deserts that go on forever, the ocean and coast line – truly, Namibia lives up to its name the Land of Contrasts.
But one of my core beliefs is that the people make the place and I can say without hesitation that the Namibian people are amazingly friendly, gracious, intelligent and accepting. They are such lovely people.
We rented a car in Windhoek, a VW Polo. Its nice, but the steering wheel is on the right and we are driving on the left side of the road which is a story for another blog post. Stopping at petrol stations is a treat. There are 4 to 6 attendants and when they see us turn into the stations, one will claim our car and start waving us to them. So much energy and great customer service – Oregon gas station attendants (well, attendant since there is usually only 1) can take notice. But, here’s a difference between cultures, Kent would say “fill up with regular” and the attendant would smile and say “good morning. How are you?” So Kent would have to stop and say “good morning. I am fine. How are you?” After the greeting, THEN we could get gasoline, along with all of the windows washed, the air in the tires checked, as well as fluid levels under the hood – now THAT is customer service. To be fair to Kent, this only happened once. He is a fast learner and now is a great greeter. And Kent has adapted quickly to driving on the left side of the road as well as negotiating check points and chatting with guards.
We have driven a long way in our short time here. We traveled the southern border to the northern border, then to the eastern border and into Zambia to see Victoria Falls, then all the way to the west coast. We’ve seen so much – animals, cultures, architecture, art, vistas. . . that it would do a disservice to try to explain it all in a single blog post. But there is one thing here in Namibia I will tell you about, the one major goal of my trip, and that was to be with Jessica. SHE is truly amazing. Her blog posts, as wonderful as they are (isn’t she a great writer?), don’t tell half of the story. Her strength and ingenuity, the way she communicates with the people here, the respect she has for herself, the culture, the school and the learners have left me in total awe. People ask me all of the time if I worry about her being in Africa. And, you know, I really don’t. I worried more about her driving up and down I-5 between home and school than I do here. And now that I’ve seen her here for myself, I’m even more sure and comfortable that she is in her element. She understands life and how to make wise choices and how to roll with the punches. AND, most importantly, she knows how to laugh.
Jessica and Jill decided to have a braai (BBQ) for us on Wednesday night – our last night in town. Jill’s parents just arrived in town. So Jessica and Jill bought a goat. Actually they arranged with Ginno to buy a goat for them. Well, Ginno bought the goat the day we arrived in Khorixas which is 4 days before the braai. What does one do with a goat for 4 days? We have no pin. It can’t stay IN the flat with us. We can’t have it bleating for 4 days. SO Gino and his brother decided to slaughter the goat for us. Okay, good plan. Oh wait, what does one do with a slaughtered goat for 4 days? Jessica is the most resourceful person I’ve ever met. There was a moment of “OMG! I own a goat!” Then she started laughing at the situation while unpacking the small freezer she owns hoping a slaughtered goat will fit into the small compartment (it did). The actually slaughtering of the goat was not my favorite part of this trip, but the skill that Ginno’s brother showed was amazing. He is about 14 or 15 and very strong and knows his way around a goat. The payment for slaughtering a goat for someone is the innards and the head. I guess those are the best parts. I was asked if I ever ate goat intestines before. Apparently they are delicious. You know, I can honestly say that I have never been asked that question before, and I can honestly say that now and for every time in the future that I’m asked that question, the answer will be no.
So lets jump forward to Tuesday when it is time for us to take the frozen goat to have it sectioned at the local butchery shop. We could not get the goat or the container it was in out of the freezer. . . both were stuck. Kent took a knife and chopped the ice away from the edges to break the goat and container free. We were laughing at our situation. Then we drove into town to have the butcher cut the goat for us. But the goat was frozen to the container and wouldn’t budge. I’m pretty sure everyone in the butcher shop was laughing at us, but, oh well. We brought the goat home and left it on the kitchen floor to thaw. Then the electricity went out and we ended up sitting in candlelight and cell phone light with a frozen goat.
Cute side note: when the lights came back on we could hear the children in the dorms cheering. It was so adorable! I really love the children here.
The braai went off without a hitch. The food, meat and porridge, was delicious, children dancing, a soccer game on the TV, lots of people – a fun, fun party!
Kent, Jessica and I spent part of our time in Khorixas working on the library, Jessica’s library at the school. It is a nice place and you can see Jessica’s handiwork throughout the room with the way she has organized the books, instructions she has posted, the card catalog with cards in her handwriting for each learner. However, the walls were peeling and the room just needed some brightening. So I picked out some bright paint colors – grass green, ocean blue and a sunny yellow, and we cleaned and painted the walls. It turned out very nice. We stenciled designs on the walls and hung curtains. The curtains we bought are shetangays – cut pieces of cloth that have multiple purposes from clothing, to wall coverings, to curtains, to whatever you need it to be. The shetangays we bought are red with green, yellow and blue star bursts. All of the colors we choose are colors from the Namibia flag and each color represents a part of Namibia. So even though we tried to make it bright and fun, we kept it educational and meaningful to the learners. It was awesome watching the learners and teachers come into the library seeing it for the first time. I sat with some kids looking at Ranger Rick magazines, showed some of the girls how I painted the flowers in the room, and spent time with a world map showing some of the boys where I live in relation to Khorixas. It was so fun.
It will be hard to go back to Oregon. I love the way I feel here. My shoulders are loose here, my brain actually turns off at night, I can drink coffee without getting a sour stomach, I can sit and watch people, chickens, donkeys, goats, and/or scenery without having to do something else. . . this is all really good for me, a person who is constantly on the move multi-tasking. I hope to take this part of Namibia home with me. Well, that and about another thousand hugs from Jessica.
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